You Are Not Too Much — Stop Shrinking Yourself
Here it is again.
That wave of shame is taking over me after I’ve shown myself in a bigger way. I feel the urge to disappear into the earth. There’s this nasty sensation in my solar plexus.
I’ve just experienced that moment, when I share a part of my story, post more of my truth, or speak a little louder than usual… and suddenly feel exposed. And then—rejected.
I feel I am too much.
And I’ve felt it more times than I can count. And I see it in almost every woman I work with.
Too Loud. Too Emotional. Too Much. Too This. Too That.
Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing that our presence was too much, our truth too loud, and that when we shine, we somehow take space away from others.
When I show up in my full power—emotional, sensitive, strong—and feel rejected, I still sometimes think it’s because I made others uncomfortable and I was too much.
But if I’m honest, it mostly made me uncomfortable, because I wasn’t used to expressing myself fully. It felt unfamiliar. Unsafe. I was actually rejecting myself.
So I made myself smaller to avoid being “too much.” And yes, sometimes I still do that.
I know that many of you also carry this unconscious belief—that you are too much.
Too intense. Too opinionated. Too joyful. Too sensitive. Too beautiful. Too sexy. Too perfect. Too different. Too spiritual. Too something…
So, you adapt:
- You constantly downplay your needs and desires
- You hold back and hesitate to express yourself freely and openly
- You struggle to regulate emotions that feel “too much”
- You don’t highlight your achievements
- You create relationships where you feel like you have to shrink
- You live in roles, relationships, and routines that are far too small for who you are
- You constantly over-give, and receiving feels difficult
- You avoid moments of truth—because that can be uncomfortable
But none of this means that you are too much.
Where This All Began
The belief “I am too much” starts in childhood and in your early emotional experiences, where your feelings, needs, and personality were met with discomfort, dismissal, or even overwhelm by the people around you: parents, caregivers, teachers, or other figures of trust. And that message has often strengthened through your life to this day.
Maybe you were told you were
- “Too sensitive” when you cried.
- “Too loud” when you laughed.
- “Too demanding” when you asked for more.
- Or “too much” when you simply wanted to be seen.
It doesn’t take much for a child to internalize the message like this:
“It is not safe to be me. Tone it down. Otherwise, I might be rejected.”
But Now You Are an Adult
Remember that you can heal and shift your perspective. Because you are not too much.
- What if the space you’ve been is too small for you?
- What if your life doesn’t fully reflect who you are, because you’ve rarely spoken your dreams out loud?
- What if your needs and desires feel unmet simply because you’ve been taught to silence them?
- What if the accomplishments you tend to shrink… would motivate someone else to try?
What if being too much is actually the final part of your inner power, waiting to be expressed?
My Healing Journey
One of the most profound healing journeys I’ve been on is learning how to be visible as I am.
I actually didn’t even know I was invisible. Until my coach told me so.
Imagine, I was so invisible, I hadn’t even seen it. I had been hiding behind my brand, my career…and behind all the masks.
I started realizing this all during the part of my journey when I had gone through an identity crisis and started to connect more deeply with who I truly am and also with my soul. I had finally started to connect with my core truth.
And once I connected with that truth, I started working on being more visible—to myself and to others.
That meant nurturing the little inner child parts of me that had learned it wasn’t safe to be visible as I am, because that part of me unconsciously believed it would lead to rejection.
Now it’s the opposite.
Yes, it can still lead to rejection—which is fine. But more than that, it now leads to connection.
I still every now and then feel like that I am too much, but now, during those moments I nurture little-Essi and tell her how proud I am that she is:
- Showing her achievements
- Drawing boundaries
- Showing her emotions
- Being authentic
- Stating her needs
I tell her that I am here for her and that it is safe to stand in her power and be visible.
And you can do that, too.
It’s not that you are too much. It’s what happens when you’ve felt vulnerable showing the real, authentic you—and then felt rejected. That hurts.
But remember this: the world wants to see you, as you are. In your full power. We want to see you shine.
You are not too much. You are enough. You always have been.
Heal with me for a sec.
If you too feel that sometimes you are too much, be proud of yourself—because it means you’ve expressed that authentic part of you that needs to be seen by you and others.
Sometimes, others just cannot handle that.
And it is not because of you.
You don’t need to be quieter, or tone it more down.
Be the example—the one who walks with her head held high and feels enough.
It is safe to be seen as you are.
Let yourself be fully you.
SHINE.
And if you feel you need more healing and loving support to face that aspect of you who feels “too much,” I am here for you. I know what you’re going through.
Discover my Feminine Executive Coaching.
Essi Koski-Lammi
Essi Koski-Lammi is a Wellbeing Trailblazer, Feminine Executive Coach, Healer, Clairvoyant and Conscious Interior Designer. She believes that how we live, work, and care for ourselves is deeply influenced by the connection between the spaces within and around us. With a diploma in interior design, over 22 years of experience in energy healing and meditation, MSC in Business and a strong background in global branding and marketing, Essi combines her expertise to empower women to transform their homes, businesses, and lives — and most importantly, themselves — so that every part of life feels aligned and truly their own.
